Here I go again...

Talking 'bout the rain...
And mullin' over things...
That won't live past today...
And as I dance around the truth...
Time is not his friend...
This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him.

So it's half past midnight by my 10 minute fast clock. The song (Here I Go Again - Casting Crowns) has nothing to do with anything, it just popped into my head suddenly.

So here's what I'm mulling over right now.

Work: I'm still at Target, much to my despair and turmoil. I could find more things to complain about that job than to praise it. My biggest problem is my scheduling. In the past four months I have been scheduled a morning shift once. I have been able to switch around with someone a few times, but it was literally only a few times. I only work Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays so I understand getting some crappy schedules. But four months worth of it? Especially when there was really only three months on this schedule. Now to be fair, I do work Thursday mornings, but that was only because they really needed me (not because I really felt I had it open). My main problem is that Heidi and I can only really hang out Friday and Saturday nights. Now on Fridays we both work. She wakes up quite early in the morning to go to one job, gets back and rests at home for a while and then goes to another job finally getting home at 6 PM, on average. That gives her roughly three hours until we can hang out. It gets to the point where we are just so tired that we don't really get much quality time together. This is really wearing me down. I want to be able to spend more than a couple of hours with her and at least get some time where both of us are functioning.

This is simply ridiculous and unacceptable.

School: At this point in time, I'm unwilling to even begin to think about school.

Future: This is my only hope right now. In the Fall semester, Pastor Aaron wants to start a seminary/hands-on training school. He wants me to be a part of it and I very much want to be a part of it. It would entail doing school (which would not only be general education, but Bible courses that I would geniunally be interested in) with quite a bit of accountability, which I really need. On top of that there would be intern type work. (which is what I'm doing now to a lesser degree) This is exactly what I need. I'd be working at a church which is what I eventually want to end up doing. I would be working in an enviorment that is always positive. Plus I'd rarely be working past five except maybe Tuesdays or Wednesdays and the occasional Saturday.

There are still a few kinks to work out...

Money: There are but three ways to fund this venture. A) My parents could back me up 100%, which I don't particularly want. B) I could raise support like a missions trip and I don't particularly want that either, but it would be better than A. And better than both A and B is that the church would pay me a miniscule amount (which is essentially what I'm already getting paid at the church for). I can always keep working for Chris, which is what I was doing before Target and I was making pretty good money (not as good as actually working for Target because Target's checks are more frequent).

Time: I already feel pressed for time anyway, but that might be because of my work schedule balancing with my school and my other job. Doing it this way would effectively take away one job for a better job and school would be part of this job. Therefore I would never have to work when I was taking a particular class and vice versa. There's also the time issue with Heidi. The church office is generally closed on Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays. I suppose there would be a few Saturdays I would work and I would always have drama practice on Saturdays. I want Heidi to get all of the attention she deserves from me but she deserves much more than I could ever give her. I know she would completely understand since this is my passion, but I want to be able to give her so much more than I can right now.

Anyway, those are just the rantings of a crazed man. I'm done now. Since you've gotten this far you should reward yourself with a pat on the back and a comment on the bloggy.

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