I'm giving you my heart...

...and all that is within.

I had the worst feeling in the world today. I have never felt this way before in my life and it was really scary to me.

People are constantly commenting on my weight. I'm rather...skinny. I weigh roughly 130 pounds and I'm 6'1" putting me at about 50-60 pounds underweight. I remember when I was in middle school I was a lot skinnier and only a little bit taller and my friend had a scale that calculated body fat percentage. 2.5% of my body was fat at the time. I have no idea how much it is now, but at 2.5, I shouldn't even be living.

Anyway, I was getting into the shower today and I was sorta looking at my stomach and my chest in the mirror. Suddenly I had this feeling of disgust. I'm looking at my chest and seeing my ribcage. I can see my sternum (the bone that connects the ribcage). If I sit in a position where my stomach is scrunched up I get these really red...almost purple lines where my bottom rib was cutting off the circulation to my stomach area. My collar bone stickes out of my skin like a mountain over a valley.

I've never cared about looks, but today I thought I was the ugliest person alive. I really cared that my torso was in that kind of condition.

I know what most of you will say. If you have something cliche to say, please just hold it. I'm not trying to be mean and I know that you're just trying to help...but if you want to say "You'll just have to trust God" or "You need to eat better" then just keep it to yourself. I know I have to trust God and I know I need to eat better and I know I'm "not ugly". I'm very pretty. Prettier than Johnny Depp. I just need something more encouraging than "I'm praying for you."

It's all good when the situation is minor, but to me, this is not a minor situation.