2 Corinthians 12:7-10

2 Corinthians 12:7-10.

7 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

To tell you the truth, I want to kill myself.

Don't worry, I won't and there's really no danger in me doing that at all. My feelings are fickle and there's no need to say anything about it or even bother trying to convince me to not. I'm not going to, end of story. I just wanted to get that out in the open.

Paul's "thorn in the flesh" isn't really talked about in scripture much other than this verse. It never says it's physical or spiritual or emotional, but I like to think it's the same thing I go through, although there's no proof and definitely no support for that in the Bible. It just helps me understand it more.

I've begged God. I've pleaded. I've prayed. I've fasted. The thorn won't leave. It's bringing me to the point of wanting to be dead. I've talked with a few people about it and they've all said similar things. "It's probably something you'll always deal with." Certainly will. "It might not feel like there's any hope, but there is." Indeed, it feels like no hope.

I'm just blogging because I can't sleep. If you want to comment, go ahead, it's unlikely anyone will be able to give advice. I was pretty vague on purpose.

So here's some actual news. I'm quitting Target. September (heh, I keep saying December to people) first is my last day. That's four more days of work. Tomorrow, this Friday, next Monday and then next Friday is my last day. Heh, that could be gramtically incorrect if you read that wrong. Just don't read it wrong.

Anything else exciting? Oh, I talked to Keri today. She and Meg can't come down (up? Which way is Monterey?) for Labor Day Weekend. :'( That makes me sad...but that just means I'll have to visit them when I get my license. That'll be fun.

I miss them both terribly. They were such good friends to me during Spirit West Coast. I was feeling kind of abandoned and alienated because a few of my other friends were supposed to go, but they ended up not being able to make it.

I'm just rambling on right now. My stomach kinda hurts and I really just want to sleep for 24 hours. Not a good idea to attempt, considering one must be fed and watered. That's just kinda how horrible I feel right now. I don't mean to sound dour or anything, I'm just venting.

That's all.