I'm not beating myself up, I just need to get this out...

Sometimes I feel really stupid. Sometimes I feel like I never do anything right, and sometimes I'm right.

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve what I've been given, and I don't. I don't deserve the family I live with, I don't deserve the friends I have, I don't deserve the wonderful courtier I have. I am thankful for all of that, especially Heidi...

I just wish sin wasn't so tempting. I wish it wasn't so easy to fall back into. I wish it wasn't so enticing, so within my reach. I know I won't be perfect, but maybe if I could just get rid of this one sin...that would be great. Maybe if it didn't have a hold of my life anymore, that'd be great. It's not illegal, I'm not breaking the law, other than God's law. I know though, that at one point I have broken the law because of this sin and it needs to stop. I hate myself for this and I can't imagine how much joy Satan is getting out of that fact.

Just venting.